ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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