but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
