i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
