His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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