lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
