Non-Jews are for practice
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
