I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
