I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
