based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
