I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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