Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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