I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
