First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
