I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
