My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
