she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
