My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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