just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
