I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
