Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
