i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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