Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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