You made me cry and you don't even care
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
