I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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