I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
