sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
