Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
