I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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