There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
