I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
