If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
