Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
