the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
