When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
