Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
