Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
