i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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