If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
