He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
