so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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