that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
