We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
