Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
