can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
