i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
