Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
