I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
