it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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