i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
