I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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