My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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