who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
