Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
