Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
