I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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