Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
